Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
