I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
