I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
