We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she peed on how many people?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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