The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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