I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
