Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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