I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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