So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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