Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
