ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
