I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
