Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
