"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
