Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
