Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
