i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
