Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
