i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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