Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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