I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
