OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
