i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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