God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
