Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I looked at my own cervix.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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