i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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