I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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