I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
