p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
