Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I smell stomach acid.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
