I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
