White coat. Heels.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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