I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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