erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
