we should wear snuggies to the strip club
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
