Whod you bang
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
