um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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