Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
