hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
