No awkward lesbian experiences without me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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