Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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