Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
