Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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