so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
