you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
