So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
please come you make the beer taste better
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
