Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
