Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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