i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
