I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
