is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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