threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
