headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
